During the lesson on agency (we're behind everyone else since we already had stake conference), the teacher recommended an article from an old Ensign to read. It's called "Teaching Children to Use Agency Wisely" from the October 1988 Ensign. I really liked the article. I have read various things on parenting as I try to improve my methods (there's a lot of room for improvement), and this lined up very well with what I want to teach my kids. I recommend reading the whole thing, but there was a particular passage that stood out to me.
"Aside from games, formal lessons, and talks together, children learn much about agency as they actually experience the consequences of their own choices. Of course, we would never allow anything to happen that would harm them either physically or spiritually. But if we constantly protect them from the consequences of poor choices, they will come to expect that kind of protection as a part of life. There are many ways we can allow our children to experience the consequences of their choices without being hurt physically or spiritually.
For example, if a son has saved enough money to attend Scout camp but then spends most of that money with his friends, it may be better to have him miss the camp than to give him the necessary money. Or if a daughter who has procrastinated doing a history report for several weeks suddenly bursts into tears the night before it is due and asks us to help her write it, we should try to help her understand why it is even too late for us to help. We can also explain to her why we feel it is right that she experience the consequences of her procrastination.
Though it is hard for many parents, letting children suffer the consequences of their own mistakes will help them become strong. Letting children off the hook—for even well-meant reasons—will only warp childrens’ notions of reality. Letting them suffer the consequences will teach them that they are responsible for their choices and will be held accountable for them. It is a clear message of trust and respect."
It's hard to do. I find myself already letting Camille off the hook sometimes, because I want her to be happy. I see parents of adult children still shielding their adult kids from the consequences of their actions, and I don't want it to end up like that with my kids. I am recommitting to trying to guide her to use her agency wisely, even if that entails undesirable consequences.
Just some thoughts I've had swirling around my head.
4 comments:
I feel way more connected to the RS lessons this year, too. Maybe because I am actually reading the lessons since I am not in RS to hear them. I like to think that I am pretty good about making Russell suffer the consequences of his making unwise choices, however, I know there is room for improvement. That boy has me wrapped around his finger.
The hardest part of letting them suffer the consequences is that it's usually a punishment for the parents too.
I agree, Emily.
I haven't read the article yet, Jacob and I might today since we have another snow day from church. I like the idea, though. I think Brooke is still a little young, but there are a few things I've noticed that I could be doing better when it comes to that.
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